blank thoughts

They always having a saying, people & event's in your past make you who you are today, now as true as that is, but I feel as events in the past that have happened in my life, have made me a completely different person, I have an out look on life & I could honestly say it's more of a "i don't give a crap" sorta thing, I don't have very many friend's, b/c I shelter myself from other's, it's as though I just don't get along with people or in the long run, you find out that they aren't really the person you thought they were. Some people change & some people don't, as i've come to realize. I've been told that I seem as I'm just not caring enough for other's, don't get me wrong, I am, it's just it's hard to to care for people who don't care for you.

My whole life i've always been judged/or felt I was being judged, I spent most of my young year's, sticking to myself, & I've noticed i've done it alot since i've moved to NM, 4yrs ago, I know alot of people as acquaintances vs friend's, it's just so people are so quick to judge you or your situation, before actually realizing to step into that person's life, look around & see that they really are a good person. Or they have that mentality of thinking just b/c that person is younger than yourself, that they must not know anything or are naive, which isn't usually the case. If people took more time to know someone, they'd see a whole different story.

Idk, that's just my ramblings thoughts for tonight, i'm starting to focus on things in life & just change around alot of things, right now my passion at the moment is into trying to get my car fixed up & looking nice, which for the first time i'm majorly super excited about! Getting a body kit put on, new side mirror's, new headlights, got new fenders to fix the car from the accident! I can't wait to start getting it put together, and then eventually changing the color to black & wanting to get new rims possibly! It's alot of work to do, but it feels nice to get into doing something! I think my husband is wearing off on me too much. haha.

<3

Time Flys on By

I know it has been quite some time since i've posted on my blog, But things have been quite chaos, my husband got his orders cancelled for Japan, we were really bummed out about it, but things happen. I'm pretty sure we will be here until his term is up again. My daughter just turned 6 in July and started 1st grade this year! She's really loving her teacher & all her friend's at school. Alexander is 15mths old now & just started walking this week! So sad that my littlest baby is growing up so fast! Jonathan has completely learned potty training fully! Which is great for us!

My mother flew down at the end of July to come visit us, and in the beginning of August, we got into a car accident, luckily it wasn't too bad, my car is dented on the side, but it's still super scary, i've been suffering back problems and issues with my arm from the accident, my mother is having problems from it too, we are waiting to go to Trial in October, when my parent's will be coming down as my mother is a witness from being in the accident. Thing have been well though.

As of lately, i've started physical therapy to help relieve all the stress/pain on my back, it helps a bit, but not a whole lot. But it's a start to something! I've had a rough few months since i last posted, but thing's really seem to be looking up though! With being back on a schedule since the kids are back in school, and just spending most of my days cleaning like a mad woman! lol. I feel like alot of what's gone on has grown to show me how good i have my life and the things in it, all i've really known is to steer away from all the people/thing's that have caused me issues in the past.

I have a great life, i have wonderful children, and an amazing husband, right now, that's all I feel I really need in my life to keep me sane & happy. I'm going to try to change things in my life to keep it that way, And you come to realize the only people you need is the one's who are truely going to be there for you, and family is always going to be there.

Till next time, which i'll try and start writing more often, as I feel I really need to.

<3

no words...

so the weekend went great! My little boy turned 4yrs old on Sunday! I can't believe it, i'm still in shock, he's growing up before my eye's, & he is such a goofball & every day spent with him has us learning something new about him! But he LOVED his party, finally a birthday party where he wasn't feeling sick & icky like every other birthday that he has had & it turned out AMAZING! I couldn't be more happier giving him the best party that he's wanted! :)

On other news, my husband got orders finally to PCS, we are supposed to leave in the middle of May to Kadena AFB, Japan! Totally wasn't expecting that, but i think i'm starting to accept the realization that we are going to move pretty much across the world, it's still hard to grasp though, but i'm pretty stoked, i've always wanted to see what it was like & everyone has been telling me that it's amazing & we'll love it! I hope so!! :)

I know i haven't been the best blogger, but that's me, i just can't find the time, or well yah to blog everything out! But so much has gone on! My court for sam was finally closed and over with on Feb 8th!! Finally after 3yrs it's all over with, & all i can do is sigh a sigh of relief, it's amazing finally!! She's doing good, we're still seeing the doctor for everything, & pushing for everyone to help her & hopefully we can finally get things figured out & have her healthy again!

Well my head is hurting for some reason, so i'm gonna head out!

:]

hello blog!

Its been quite some time since i've been here & i feel i should blog! Things are going good, went to lunch with the bestest people! That was lotsa fun! Haven't been out with friends in forever! And i'm so glad the weekend is right around the corner!! Cause this has been 1 stressful week!

Jon has been sick for like 2dys,but he's finally feelin better! So he's back to school tomorrow! And he's excited about that! But we ventured out to the store earlier today,with shocker,all 3 kids,which I rarely do! And my goodness,who knew how tiring that can be,i wanted to just die by the time i got home lol. Never doing that again unless I have to!

Tonight i've just spent my night watching Skins, it's interesting,kinda boring lol. But there's no new episodes of Grey's tonight,so i'm majorly bored & want my shows to come back on dangit! Idk what i'm going to do when they are over for the season!! But I guess it gives me a reason to plan more for Jon's birthday next month! I can't believe my tiny little boy is going to be 4! It can't possibly be!

My kids are making me old! It's so not fair! They are supposed to stay little forever! Especially Alex! He's supposed to stay a baby forever,i prohibt him to growing up! I like my chunky butt bein little! Minus the teething phase,that can go away somewhere else! Lol.

Amazingly,I don't have much to say right now,i'm content & doing good at the moment!

:]

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Feeling Fine!

So oddly, I'm feeling a bit better today! In a better mood! Which is FINALLY amazing after like a week of this rutt! Today we are just hanging out! The kids are happy, at least the boys until we go get big sister! And Alex is getting more better at rolling and moving all over the place! He doesn't crawl yet, but eventually he'll get there! But he's happy rolling around! I'm trying to get him to sit up, he did for a min earlier today! And he was really proud of himself for sitting up! lol. If he didn't have such a BIG head, he could sit up! It's okay though, we still love him!

We went to Target earlier today, was looking for curtains for our bedroom, as we're sick of the sun coming through the blinds into our eye's! But we decided to hold off on curtains until we get our new bedset for our bed, so that it will match the room alot more! I'm excited to start decorating, it keeps me occupied and lookings for idea's, we really need it in this house! It's blah without anything hanging around & i don't like it! lol. But while I was there, i picked up a pair of pants & 2 shirt's for Alex! They are so cute & we're on SALE!

Got not much planned for tonight, other than I need to do dishes & steam clean the downstairs carpet tonight! Which I will probably wait to do that, when the kids are in bed! Good thing it doesn't take a long time, like it used to in the old house! That was a butt & my back is killing me! No thanks to my lovely husband deciding to knee me in the back all night last night! So now i have a bruise up the side of my back! And it does hurt to lean or bend over! Damn butthead! Other than that, i'm enjoying the good day so far! It's really nice & feels great!

Till again! :]

Blah,Blah,Blah

So here I am again. I suck at this blogging thing,but truthfully I haven't had the energy to blog. I just feel the depression & the stress dragging me down & I honestly hate the feeling,or maybe just the stupid hormones getting ahold of me since I've been taking this b/c pills. Honestly i'm hating them, they make me feel crazy lol.

I have so many people here supporting me & helping me out,but yet I feel so ALONE. I feel like none of my friends are there,like they've all vanished, when I need them the most & it hurts. I sit back & watch everyone run around,while i'm just here, no one offers to be around,or just simply ask how you're doing? I need things to take my mind off, but I try & there's nothing there.

Day in & day out, I do nothing. I actually cleaned up a bit today to get myself motivated & a few hours to keep my mind occupied. Depression is a shitty thing. I'm missing family,friends, everything that was there. But now it's just life flying by as I sit here & do nothing about it. This is a really depressing post,but I need to get it out somewhere, since no one is listening.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about everything going on & things that happened in the last few months,and it just makes me cry, as that's all I ever feel like doing now days the past week. I'm still trying to determine if it's really the stress & depression or just the stupid pills. But i think it's a combination of both,just the pills are making it worse. I wish it would just stop,I wanna be normal again.

Eh,i'll try to update again.

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Under alot of Stress

So i havent blogged in awhile, i've been under so much stress & BS these last few days that I just haven't had the energy to write it all out, and hopefully that can be understood.

So yesterday I went to the doctor about my Mirena IUD, as i've been in alot of pain from it since July, well i went in & found out that it was halfway expelled out of my cervix,lovely description,sorry lol. So they had to remove it & told me that i probably shouldn't get another one as my body didn't like the Copper T either,so i'm now going on debating which new B/C i should get now as at the moment i'm taking pills until i figure it out.

And today i recieved more court documents regarding my child support case with Samantha's biological dad, not too happy about the paperwork,but i knew trouble was going to happen anyways,it's ok though,going to keep my head up & do what i gotta do! :) Sure it makes me mad,but i'm just not gonna let it effect me the way it is doing to him. But so far he wants nothing to do with her,which is fine by me, seeing as he never cared,so what's the difference, she's loved by me & her family around her & that's all that matters. He wants to miss out on everything in her life,then so be it.

Later on in life when she's alot older & can understand,i'll tell her who he is & that he's not worth wasting time on,he didn't want to be there & doesn't now,so no point in caring. She's happy & doing great, & loves her life & her butthead brother's lol. And i'm thankful everyday that I have her,she changed me & my life completely for the better & I couldn't be more happier.

On a better not,Nick's birthday is coming up on the 28th,still gotta figure out what i'm going to get him & make him a cake! :) Time to celebrate the he's getting older,while i'm still younger! Lol. I love him to death,so it should be fun trying to get it done!

Well i think after a long hard day i'm going to go relax before bed,and yay for Friday tomorrow & a 3 day weekend!! This first week back after Winter break wiped me out,but we're finally back to schedule! Goodnight

:]

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